Ina May Gaskin

 

Yesterday was such an energy-filled, beautiful day. I was fortunate to hop in a carpool of doulas from San Diego to make the trek to North Hollywood's BINI Birth to hear Ina May Gaskin speak on the subject of shifting the paradigm of birth in our country.  She was most recently recognized for her work lifelong work by receiving the 2011 Right Livelihood Award " … for her whole-life’s work teaching and advocating safe, woman-centred childbirth methods that best promote the physical and mental health of mother and child."

She has written several books including: "Guide to Childbirth", the first childbirth education book i read that literally changed my view of birth and the path of my life, "Spiritual Midwifery", which I am currently reading, "Guide to Breastfeeding", which will end up on my nightstand soon and her latest book "Birth Matters" which i devoured in an evening-and now is signed by the author.).  

i quite literally soaked in every ounce of the amazing energy produced by such a group of women who crowded into the space at BINI to hear Ina May speak. So much wisdom, so much experience and so much joyful passion for their work - these women are my inspiration to carry forward with the first teeny tiny steps of my journey into the world of birth professionals as I aspire to finally become a certified birth educator/mentor and doula in 2012. 

ina may shared, in a way only a wise, well-traveled and experienced woman with eyes-wide-open can do, so many tales of her journey. early in the workshop she confessed she "gets bored easily" and gave herself permission to let the day go where it may. she shared a slideshow of photos of journeys and faces of real birth stories with us as well as troubling birth history and powerful truths she's uncovered along the way.  her candid way of speaking and her insight and ability to reveal such hidden yet simple truths about "the way things are" made listening to her such a joy. with participation from the group, we traveled through the history of birth and obstetrics, enjoyed some most interesting birth stories she had personally witnessed and discussed the way forward in promoting knowledge and awareness and change where necessary in the field of obstetrics and supporting childbirth.  i appreciated how very full of life this wise woman was and will carry the inspiration of this day, this gathering, her words in my heart forever along my journey.

after the workshop ended all too soon, the owner of BINI so graciously extended an open invitation to all 100 of us in the room to continue the celebration at her nearby home. about 30 of us couldn't resist the opportunity to sit around the table with Ina May so the san diego gals stopped at the grocery store and grabbed some pasta and salad to serve the group and we quite enjoyed an evening of mingling and story sharing with new friends from all over southern california.  it made for quite a late night for this momma, but the inspiration and delight i took from the day  was well worth the exhaustion that carried over into today.

my friend and Ina May snapped a picture of each other taking pictures of each other....when they realized it, they were cracking up and i snagged this adorable shot of her laughing!

beautiful birth art

Ina May signing my copy of "Birth Matters"

Ina May's "Sphincter Law" :) - helping us understand the mind-body connection during labor; how outside influences can heavily impact the status of the cervix

after enjoying a meal with Ina May and several other ladies who continued the celebration of birth into the evening. i am 35 weeks pregnant.

 

 

 

 

 

Rally For Change

this saturday i joined an amazing group of birth advocates: midwives, doulas, childbirth educators, nurses and mommas with a million different birth stories to rally for a change in our culture, both mainstream and medical in the way we educate about and treat birth.  we want to change the culture of fear in our country when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. to stop sharing the horror stories and start sharing the empowering ones. to recreate the powerful support of sisterhood before, during and after pregnancy as many other countries do around the world.  to stop believing the myths about pregnancy and childbirth and start doing our own in-depth research, to understand the science of our own amazing bodies and listening to our intuition. to start believing that birth is NOT an illness, that our bodies were made to have babies and to understand that if you eliminate (unnecessary) medical interventions and allow birth to proceed naturally, on its own timeline in a healthy mother with a healthy baby, the majority of women are able to give birth on their own with minimal risks.

we want women to understand that every single intervention, no matter how insignificant it may seem (or how routine it is, in most cases), introduces a whole new host of risks to the birth process. to know that agreeing to or asking for induction increases your risk of c-section by 50-60%.  we want women to know that a cesarean section is not a simple, routine procedure as it is often advertised.  while they are performed every day all over our country (we have one of the higher c-section rates in the world), they still involve opening the abdomen and exposing all of your major organs to all kinds of scary things. often the risks of c-section rise up after the surgery is over and you are all closed up.  yet, one in three mommas are having surgical birth.

is it hard for you to believe that one female body in three no longer performs the physiological functions of childbirth? it is for me. this does not suggest good things for our survival!  perhaps the one in three surgical deliveries has to do with other factors, other introduced factors during the labor process. other support factors during the labor. i'm not suggesting that some women do not need c-sections. i am thankful for the technology and skills of the surgeons to jump in when its necessary. i am, however, suggesting that there is a lot of tinkering happening along the way that seems to be leading to a higher need for c-sections than if labor was allowed to proceed on its own. 

yet, i realize it is the choice of the mother giving birth and her chosen physician during labor. this is why we feel it is so important for women to empower themselves with the information that is out there. do your research. ask questions. a lot of them.  many women (myself included before i stumbled upon a wealth of information at a yoga class that started my shift in thinking) do not realize there is any other option other than having a hospital birth with an OB "catching" their baby for them while they are hooked up to pain medication.  for the record, a mother can catch her own baby thank you very much. i was the first pair of hands to touch both of our children and i'm looking forward with a hopeful heart to having the same opportunity with our third!

the rally was both to encourage women to do more research than the standard blurb their OB gives them or the "how to prepare for your hospital birth" line they get at their hospital's childbirth class...to really understand the science of what happens within your body and WHY it works so beautifully on its own, despite the fact that it may not necessarily always fit into a hospital's timeline.  we want mothers to be empowered and to believe in the process. to believe in their bodies and their babies.

 it did feel odd...stepping out and standing up for a cause. i've never really been an "activist" for anything but this particular subject has become such a passion of mine. so much so that i'm pursuing becoming a bradley childbirth instructor this year - something i can do with little babies, creating my own teaching schedule after my certification is complete. and i can do it anywhere, no matter where we live. i think i'd like to become a midwife someday when my children are older and my schedule of caring for babies permits me to whip away and attend a birth when the time comes.  so much exciting future ahead.  i was interviewed, being one of the only obviously pregnant women there. i talked to the reporter for 20 minutes. he used one sentence in his article, which unfortunately told mostly the hospital's response to our rally. the media coverage was there, but was disappointing in its lack of conveying our message.  however, i've decided that's how it goes when you are standing up for something that isn't popular or common in our culture.  we are hoping the articles and news story at least prompted a lot of dialogue throughout san diego. and there are plans for more rallies, a new website with education involved for mommas AND caregivers (whose training or experiences generally have not allowed them to see/participate in a natural, unmedicated birth unfolding on its own timeline) and a national rally for change on labor day.

doula kayti being interviewed. she is my best friend stephanie's doula - and also encapsulated my placenta.

adrienne and her boys - we attended our bradley childbirth class together in 2008. small world!

32 weeks pregnant with baby tres. can't wait to meet him SO SOON!

my new friend rachel - a bradley method instructor with a tiny baby bump of her own :)

 

the great vegan experiment

so there i was...attending the local premier of "forks over knives", a fabulous documentary on the health benefits of a plant based diet (and the devastating potential for negative impact on your health from the "typical american diet").  i left the theater with a whole new plateful of knowledge and a lot of questions and a curiosity about eating a plant based diet i had never had before.

vegetarianism and veganism always freaked me out before watching the film. i didn't understand it, and frankly, couldn't think of one legitimate reason to even consider giving it a whirl. enter "forks over knives".  i was shocked to hear that many studies have directly and repeatedly linked animal proteins to all kinds of craziness. and while its easy enough to digest the information, "ok so a few random scientists have come up with experiments to prove their point" what really struck me about the film were the medical doctors using ONLY dietary changes to successfully treat all kinds of medical issues - high cholesterol, heart disease...even cancer! woa. hearing their testimonials (particularly striking coming from an MD who grew up working on his parents dairy farm) and those of their patients is what really hit home with me.

so our family embarked on an experiment - shifting completely to a vegan diet for an unknown period of time.  i had no idea where the experiment would take us or how it would go, especially with two small children. the transition to eating only plant based food, absolutely no animal protein or byproducts, was easier than imagined.  the family didn't seem to mind any of the countless great recipes i was shocked to find. and after doing much research i learned that you really can get all the nutrition you need from plants (yes, even calcium without cow's milk. yes, even protein without meat! shocking, i know).  hubby seemed pleasantly surprised on a regular basis on how plant-based meals could actually taste good.

the "before". we felt we ate healthy. i cooked mostly from scratch and bought much of our produce from the farmers market or mostly organic from the grocery. compared to "the average american diet" we were doing pretty well on the health factor, we felt.  definitely weren't in a super-size-me rut...however, our diets were pretty much organized strictly "around" the main entree which always involved some sort of animal protein (mostly chicken and turkey with occasional beef) and lots of fruit and carbs and a few veggies tossed in for good measure. 

the transition.  the most notable change during the transition period (first two-ish weeks) - we all used the bathroom a LOT more.  the shift to all fruits and veggies and beans and grains allowed our digestive systems to operate a lot more efficiently. not such a big deal for the grownups in the house (we actually felt GREAT as a result), but the diapers and potty-training variety got a lot more "exciting".  my awesomely supportive hubby got really excited about having so much more energy throughout the work day. he reported the mid-day-slump or the early afternoon crash was non-existent with the new eating habits in place.  other than having to explain what he was having for lunch (what IS that??) to his co-workers, he seemed overall pleased with the way he felt.  i had a similar experience.  that being said, i experienced a lot of mild anxiety over meal-planning... particularly with two small ones to feed. it had to be food they would eat (and could eat....since one of the littles had only a few tiny teeth, not much grinding could be done).  it seemed more pressing that they got a full round of nutrition now for some reason (not sure why i wasn't so calculating with their nutrition when we had meat in our diets, i think it just seemed like it covered all the bases).  we did fine, they did not suffer or go hungry, but i always had a pang of awareness in my gut about how it could go badly if i didn't monitor it closely (which is true even when eating animal protein, again, not sure why it was so much higher on my radar when we omitted that from our diets....probably 29 years of programming about what a normal/nutritional diet was).

the pregnancy.  soon after we chose to try this new eating strategy on for size we found out we were expecting our third baby. people outside our tiny family expressed concern about the choice to eat a plant based diet while pregnant and most assumed we would not continue as it would be "unhealthy". after doing a lot of research and talking to more than one midwife, i determined i would continue feeding my body with a plant based diet and practice awareness on how i felt. if it felt wrong, i would change things.  because i was also breastfeeding my youngest daughter at the time of my pregnancy, there was a significant "output" demand on my body. i was eating constantly. i would eat a HUGE meal and would be famished again soon after.  i drank homemade healthy protein smoothies daily (with hemp protein, you get about 26 g of protein from 3T of hemp = awesome, lots of spinach and other healthy goodies in them) and that helped with the hunger and the unending demand on my system.  i was much more in tune now with ensuring we had lots and lots of complete proteins in our diet (quinoa and beans and lots of them!) since i was building a baby.

the vacation.  about a month after our plant based shift we took a three week trip home to visit family. i told our families about our new eating philosophy and they were all supportive and did a great job of making special considerations for us while we were there.  i think we all learned a lot in the process.  it was fun watching our families try new plant-based recipes, and many times they were shocked at how great they tasted (the sweet potato lasagna was a big hit!). traveling and adhering to an "atypical" diet like this does have its challenges and it was hard for me to feel so high maintenance everywhere we went.  it was also hard because there are lots of foods we associate with home - fun foods, like monical's pizza and steak 'n shake, which are neither plant based nor remotely healthy....but they are oh-so-delicious (and while i'm all about the "let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food" statement hippocrates made back in the day, there is something to be said for soul food, no?).  anyway, our second week home, the baby growing in my belly and my surging hormones decided suddenly that everything we had been eating (beans, grains, salad) were all super super nasty and that i should be eating pizza and hotdogs. it was hard because i literally felt sick at the thought of eating a bean burger. i saw an orange soda in the fridge and that's all i could think about. and i was starving ALL THE TIME. and due to the hunger, i caved. i started out with a little here and a little there and by the end of the week, i had sort of given in at least part way. i was incorporating at least some animal protein into all my meals. my darling husband stuck to the plant based diet and i kept the kids on it too (other than the occasional "you have to eat ice cream at grandma's house scenario) because i didn't want their little guts to have more "excitement" switching back over while we were on vacation.  while i felt really satisfied during the meals, i felt gross and nauseated afterward each time (shock to my system i think re-learning how to digest animal proteins). it was a difficult period. i was grumpy and fatigued and uncomfortable and having lots of stress about whether or not we were doing the right thing. and frankly i didn't have the energy or emotional stability (thank you first trimester hormones) to manage it all.  thank you families for tolerating me during this gross time.

the decision. we came home to our own kitchen and our own pantry and resumed the plant based eating. i cut out the meat stuff when we got home and actually started feeling better again, not so much unbearable fatigue and nausea associated with meals. but as i got farther and farther into my first trimester, the hungry just wasn't stopping no matter how much veggie protein i consumed.  i decided listening to my body was important.  we added greek yogurt (super high in protein) and organic eggs from the farmers market into our diet, just a little bit here and there. eggs for breakfast a couple days a week, yogurt on the other days.  just recently we have also added organic, hormone-free, free-range chicken back in - i buy the whole chicken and cook it in the slow cooker and we use little bits of it on sandwiches or in recipes. and while i am very much in support of the plant-based diet and while i can no longer call myself a "vegan" (that title really freaked me out anyway, WAAAAY too politically charged of a label for my liking - other people seemed to think it meant a lot more about me as a person than just my eating preferences), i felt a lot more at ease with our dietary choices for nutrition. and my sandwiches, look a lot different now. usually a whole grain pita wrapped around a load of lettuce, a bunch of veggies (tomatoes, mushrooms, yellow bell pepper, cucumber), sometimes some hummus, sometimes some vegenaise (vegan mayonnaise which tastes THE SAME as the "real deal"), a tiny bit of chicken, usually no cheese or just a tiny bit if i add it.

i would say we are still eating a whole foods, plant-based diet....because we are still primarily cooking from scratch, from whole foods that we buy at the market in their original form (no processing, direct from the farmer whenever we can)  - but we are including meat in our diet again. this time we just have a different focus. i am still using and seeking out new recipes - we tried some awesome white bean enchiladas the other night that were basically vegetarian, just a little bit of cheese mixed in, quite delicious...i am just not 100% eliminating animal proteins from our diet. instead i am being much more selective about which animal proteins i allow into our diets...particularly the quality and source of those animal proteins, whenever i can control it.

and while this has nothing to do with physical health and nutrition, i think there is something to be said for being able to enjoy a hot dog every once in a rare while when you are two years old. and i think there is something to be said for being able to enjoy a delicious meal when you are out on a date with your hubby. while its not its primary purpose, there is a beautiful sensory experience involved with eating and sometimes on those rare special occasions, its nice to choose food just for the pleasure of the experience.  when we were eating only plants in our diet, we felt rotten whenever we slipped a little animal protein into our meal (enter our 6th anniversary dinner when i ordered a dish with shrimp involved) because our bodies were shocked and didn't know what to do with it.  anyway, its not scientific or nutritionally important, but i do want to be sure we maintain that food is sometimes about other things too - tradition, celebration.  as long as its a sometimes approach to eating and not an always approach to eating which is what has gotten our country into the obesity epidemic we are in!  and please don't get me wrong, we really did (sometimes surprisingly) really enjoy 95% of what i prepared during our experiment with eating a vegan diet.

some of my uneasiness came from all the gobs of soy-based protein that was is so typical in a vegan diet. everything "substituted" for animal protein seemed to contain soy. soy milk was the recommendation for replacing cow's milk (we use almond and coconut milk). soy yogurt for dairy yogurt. soy ice cream. soy burgers and hotdogs for the meat version. tofu for protein in entrees. everything was soy based. and with something like 90% of the soy being of the GMO variety, that was two strikes against it (soy is fine but in large quantities there are studies showing issues with phytoestrogens and health). it was too much. the "everything in moderation" mantra kept seeping to the forefront when making choices about soy.

i think more of my uneasiness came from the two major camps of vegan eating...and finding recipes and products that fit MY version of it. some do it for the animal factor. i was doing it for the health factor - but more important than "being vegan" to me was i wanted to be eating REAL FOOD chock full of nutrition. not substitutes. not chemical versions made to taste like the real thing. and i found it was really easy to go hunting down the "Just like cheese" product or the "tastes like chicken" seitan product. they were tasty. but they were less "whole foods" than the chicken i was choosing not to eat and it just didn't rest well with me. i think i found myself needing more balance toward the real food aspect. i found myself preferring to eat small servings of organic healthy chicken over large quantities of something made to resemble chicken, even if it was plant based.

another component of our decision was out of necessity for hubby's job - he was spending a lot of time out "in the field" and away from our kitchen with little to no access to anything fresh, anything resembling whole foods, let alone plant based foods. and each time he left and returned home again, his digestive system went through its own little shock phase.  reintroducing some animal proteins to our daily diet helped him transition back and forth a bit more, although i know he misses a big salad or a fresh made smoothie full of fruity nutrition and green tasty goodness.  i remember my days in the navy when we had been out to sea long enough for all of our fresh veggies and fruits to run out (or be rotten)....it got to the point where i craved fruit so badly that i asked my mom to mail me some containers of applesauce and fruit cocktail (yeah, that stuff that sort of tastes like fake fruit all cut up and floating in syrup-y grossness) because it was the closest thing to fruit that could be mailed to me.

i think what shocked us most was actually tasting our food, tasting the individual components of it - the flavoring came FROM the food instead of coming from salt or dressings or mounds of cheese.  that was a really wonderful lesson to learn - tasting the food making up your meal, not just covering it all up with something.  a lesson we will carry forward, even when including animal proteins. using a LOT less cheese. using vegetables to flavor dishes instead of covering up the flavoring of vegetables with heavy sauces.  i also found a lot of new fun ways to "sneak" more vegetables into our meals. sautee some swiss chard, then toss it in the blender with a delicious organic marinara sauce. suddenly everyone is eating swiss chard with dinner and not even knowing it. :)

on dairy. while we are including things like greek yogurt and small amounts of organic (sometimes raw) cheese in our diet, we have continued to eliminate cow's milk, replacing it with almond milk and sometimes coconut milk. we simply substitute it for cow's milk in all our recipes and even drink it with meals and use it in smoothies.  the reasons for this are a whole separate post, but we certainly have not missed it. and the beautiful thing is, almond milk is 1:1 the same amount of calcium as cow's milk. how beautiful is that? it is not, however, high in protein like cow's milk so our protein comes from other sources in our diet.  i did discuss our nutrition with our pediatrician at our latest check-up for the kids. he said he was impressed with my awareness and focus on nutrition and said the kids were both healthy and thriving and while our choices differed somewhat from the "typical" recommendations, he felt confident we were covering our nutritional bases.

anyway, i'm very glad i've been exposed to so much new information regarding nutrition. the vegan experiment has certainly impacted my thoughts on what makes up a meal and has made me much more conscious about the consumer choices i make at the market as well as my meal planning strategies.  i'm poised to read the books "nourishing traditions" and "real food" because they are all very focused on homemade meals high in local, organic veggies and fruits - but they also include healthy sources of fat like coconut oil and healthy animal proteins.  for our family, this approach settles better in my heart. i struggled with a lot of anxiety about food for some reason when we were eating a vegan diet, i'm not sure of the source, but i know i am much more at ease "allowing" a tiny bit of healthy animal proteins back into our diet.

i think food is a very personal subject (particularly with mom's, its right up there on the list of be-careful-who-you-discuss-this-with-so-you-don't-offend-someone list with vaccinations and religion) and everyone needs to explore what is right for their family.  i have several dear friends who eat a 100% vegan diet and it works for their family. there are other friends who are vegatarian and others who eat a little bit of everything.  my experience from all of this is to practice awareness of your food choices, understand why you are eating what you are eating. do your homework and understand the hazards out there (like EWG's dirty dozen list for the 12 produce items you should definitely buy organic if you can only afford to buy organic for those 12 items because of the types/quantities of pesticide residue they carry) and the ingredients particularly in the packaged food you buy. i used to market with a different strategy - i bought what sounded good, what had a cute package, what i "felt like"....now i always look at the nutrition label for the ingredients. i don't pay a lot of attention to calorie counting or sodium content, i just look at the ingredients. i want fewer ingredients and i want to be able to identify the ingredients in the product. i don't want fillers or additives or chemical versions of the real deal. i want it as close to the whole food as possible (often that means making our own at home which i'm surprised is so easy to do!).  essentially, i am practicing more awareness about my choices and that makes me feel empowered in a grocery store full of, unfortunately, a lot of products that do not have your health, your nutrition or your best interest at heart.  the sad part about a trip to the market is - those products that lack health benefits or nutritional content are the ones that people will often choose due to their more affordable price tag. its an understandable choice when you need to feed your family. it complicates the issue so much further than educating yourself and being conscious of your consumer choices - because people will choose to feed their family first, and if they can swing it, they will do their best to include nutritious (often more expensive) items in their meals. i get it. there is no good answer. i get that you can often eat at mcdonald's cheaper than you can make a healthy meal in your own home. again, i don't write this with any social agenda or critique other than to share my experience.  food is personal. just be sure to make it personal - don't let crafty marketers and ads pressure you in a direction. its your body. its your health. and its your responsibility to protect that.  i fully believe in the healing power of feeding your body with real nutrition and absolutely consider our food part of our daily "multivitamin".  you are not just eating to stay alive, you are eating to fuel all of your body systems.

gathering strength

there is a long road ahead...the whole of motherhood - puts perspective on this tiny little challenging chapter we are just beginning. and yet, on day 3 of "flying solo" here i am feeling empowered and strong and up to the task. perhaps my new sassy super-short hair cut has something to do with it ...but surely the support and love overflowing from family and friends lately has made this transition and the preps for what to come seem so much less overbearing.  i'm still amazed at the flux of emotions i've experienced. dread and depression and endless sadness while in the prep stages for our time apart - but now that we're in stage one of it, suddenly it feels like a lot of those emotions have been processed and cleared to make room for what's ahead, for the task at hand. there's no time to moan and groan and mourn when you have a big job to do. busy hands, for me = happy heart. don't get me wrong - i think about him every minute and a half, hoping and wondering and wishing him comfort and companionship and rest and speedy passing of time and likewise i'm incredibly proud of him and the work he is doing.

with balance, i'm consciously trying to live IN and AMONGST our busy life here instead of feeling like a slave to it. of making it part of my life and living in each of those busy fleeting moments instead of rushing through for the sake of survival.  planning and prepping just enough to be ready for the next thing but not so much that i am left wearing and unwound at the end of the day (ok, maybe a little weary, but that's part of mom duty, right?). just trying to find the right balance for us. the right mix of getting stuff done and doing nothing at all, keeping everyone right in the middle where we need to be. trying to set up routines we can stick to on a weekly basis to help with what can easily become and onslaught of "to do's". meal plan on sunday night. groceries on monday morning preceeded by our newest tradition of stopping in the donut shop first for a treat. makes it a fun outing instead of something i secretly dread a tiny little bit. tried out introducing a post-dinner walk around the park in the cool evening air, i think we all enjoyed it....just have to tweak the timing so i don't push lady bug to the brink of bedtime. we'll get it just right.  clearing out the clutter in our play area, keeping out the things that are interesting and age/skill appropriate for us right now and  creating storage options for the rest. working on creating a more hands-on kid-accessible play scene outside for all to enjoy. our house sometimes feels tiny and i forget htat we have a huge covered patio and shady back yard we can branch out to for fun. i haven't put a lot of thought/energy into that space so i've been gathering ideas and inspiration to dedicate myself to creating a more inviting space out there since we are so blessed with such a great back yard.  these things are at the forefront of my planning mode for the next few months-these and introducing slowly, gently tiny little bits of montessori inspired preschool at home.  we will transition to real school next year. then, in a few months, we shift to holiday preps.  its a big responsibility this year with an almost-three-year-old making memories. i feel like this year it is really important to have my ducks in a row and "traditions" ready for enjoying. the past years we've enjoyed the holidays but knew he wouldn't really have memories forming yet....but now, at 3, it just seems like an important time to make sure he really can enjoy every last bit of magic the holiday season brings to our lives. and then early in 2012 we will shift full scale into prep for baby #3, creating a cozy space for us to share in my room and making sure P & B are as ready for that transition as they can be. currently reading "1000 gifts" and remembering to take in the magic of every little moment that makes up our days. this IS life, right here in the middle of everything swirling around me, wherever i am, whoever i am with, this is exactly where i'm supposed to be, doing the amazing work of a momma at home. xoxo

the latest construction project - he's really into building "houses" lately. i love watching him sit and concentrate and select the pieces and fit them together and balance them just so

post-overhaul/excess removal. montessori inspired, created with betsy in mind although pete still enjoys all these activities too.  she's really into manipulating the rings on and off the pegs, putting the shapes into the sorter and putting the pegs in and out of the holes (usually a hammering project, i just put the hammer away). puzzles, wooden tool box, pull snake and music box on the bottom. the very top is still a work in progress, many of them are pete only access so its a trick finding a way to display them for him without her having full access to it all.

newest "creation" is a snuggly reading nook area at the fireplace which is situated right next to our kitchen table and is visually appealing but a completely useless corner of lost space in our just-right little house. i plan to create a fabric covered foam cushion to make a seat and make some more colorful pillows, perhaps a bit bigger to cover the glass of the fireplace. i've been quite pleased to see it getting loads of use from all the little members of our family.

"nigh nigh" with her babies. she is already a little momma. excited to see her excitement when a real baby arrives in the spring.

playing in the couch tunnel.

sporting her chef's hat

could be a picture from "blueberries for sal"....taking the chickpeas out of my bucket just as fast as i can peel of the little skins. she was gobbling them up. made my heart sing to have her sitting there next to me while i worked, watching pete play through the window.

as always, thanks to pete, everyone involved is covered up and "nice and warm".  when she is sleepy or just snuggled in to a cozy spot, she sucks her thumb and plays with her belly button. these darn one piece outfits don't allow access like t-shirts do....so i have been finding her with her arm shoved down the neck hole of her outfits. she has also managed to tuck her arm back into the arm hole. so funny, i'm not sure when it started, but it sure is cute.

the quest for fun & a better today

at the end of today with both sweet babes in their beds i find myself weary, exhausted, frustrated and feeling a bit like a failure.  it seems i spent the entire day correcting and keeping big brother from breaking his little sister (not an exaggeration, his new favorite activity is finding exciting new ways to push her around) and keeping little sister out of ALL the things she is adamant about touching and eating that are just not allowed (trash, china cabinet, desk drawers, etc). it feels like i spent a lot of energy keeping my emotions in check and trying to guide and correct in a loving respectful way instead of screaming out orders and screeching that they listen to me...i promise you despite my efforts, some of those emotions still came spilling out, i'll have to try again tomorrow for a "no yelling" day.  but then i think about our day, outside of the way i am feeling, outside of this exhausted momma haze that fills my head when i finally get to stop after bedtime, and i wonder if maybe we had a better, more productive, more fun-filled day than i am giving myself credit for.  maybe all that i am doing is just part of the job description and its supposed to be that way and will continue to be this way until they are old and moved out of my house.  maybe i'm so exhausted because i tried my best to be creative and loving and productive to two babies somehow all at once; its an impossible quest but i did really give it my best shot.  this morning was full of frustrations and i started to wonder if maybe its because my littles have grown and their needs and interests have changed and perhaps i've been so in the midst of this first-trimester-energy-sucking-phase that i've forgotten to engage myself in keeping the environment around them new and exciting and stimulating. yes, that happened.  so at naptime i regrouped.  i fixed a broken child's chair and created a desk environment for peter because he is so infatuated with momma's desk, surely he'd like his own-with a writing station to boot. i had hesitated because the desk is at betsy's level and she is not ready for a free-for-all with writing utensils and the like but decided it was time to just buck up and teach her that "no, she may not write with the markers on the wall" and keep them available to peter if the interest strikes and see what happens. and yes betsy tried with all her might to get into those things today but even more exciting, my boy pete sat and colored and came and went and colored some more, all in his notebook he got out on his own and all with markers he opened (and closed!!!!!) on his own.  little tiny changes make all the difference.  he wants to be his own man and he wants to follow his own agenda. most of the whining and fighting and resisting momma's itinerary comes when i am imposing the day on him instead of including him in the plans. we've still be struggling with some potty training things; particularly frustrating after having an accident free month (day AND night) and then suddenly little bouts, 2-3 days of wet all the time (day AND night). still struggling with momma managing the potty schedule instead of him telling me when it was time. so i wondered, what if i encouraged him to do it all on his own and took myself out of the equation. so i tried it: here's the stool so you can turn on the light all by yourself. then you already know how to pull down your pants and big boy underwear, right? and then you already know how to put the toilet seats up and stand really close to the potty right? yes! you know just what to do and you can do it all by yourself without momma, can't you?  and just like that his eyes lit up and the rest of the day, a casual reminder that whenever he needed to go potty he could go and do it all by himself without momma was all it took to send him scampering off to the bathroom to take care of it.  how wonderful!  this afternoon i changed my tone to see if it would alter the way the morning had gone. lots of "can you please help momma with this?" and lots of "would you like to help momma with that?" and wow he was all over it with lots of manners to boot.  and so i realized. once again, perhaps it was me that was creating all this chaos and all this toddler-nastiness and all this resistance to order.  perhaps it was my exhaustion and my frustration and my lack of patience and my lack of respect and my lack of manners that was causing him to push back at any request (demand?) i sent his way. and now here i am, knowing, remembering once again, that i have so much more control over all of this than i sometimes want to accept. its so much easier to blame toddlers and their terrible two's for all the reasons the day is going awry.  perhaps that this boy loves attention and i was giving him so much negative attention he just kept raising the bar to make sure the attention kept coming. when he was given lots of praise for all the good things he was doing and minimal commenting/correcting took place for the bad things, a lot of the yucky actions ceased to happen.  with one exception....poor little sister is taking the brunt of something. i'm not sure if he is testing her or testing me or testing his place in the order of our home but he is still really rough with her. sometimes its giggling and tickling (in the face?) and hugging her (around the neck while laying on top of her?) and they are both having fun until he gets out of hand and takes it too far and she ends up hurt. and sometimes its almost unprovoked malicious stuff like walking right up and dropping a giant metal tractor on her head or attempting to bite through her arm. i'm not sure how to handle that one.  the momma bear in me wants to ROAR it to a halt because my littlest is getting hurt, but then i remember he is one of my littles too and my roaring causes him a different kind of pain. at the same time, you can't let it go unnoticed.  its a struggle, one i hope he gets bored of quickly as she becomes more and more able to play with him. on the note of playing, we pulled out some toys that had been put away as they were not age appropriate for anyone when the putting away happened. and my goodness, these two were fully immersed in the playing for the rest of the evening. another sign i had sort of let my creative involvement with their environment slip during the last 13 weeks of growing their new littlest sibling....when they can concentrate on one activity for  a long period of time, its a good sign we've hit the jackpot and found a perfectly age-appropriate, skill level appropriate activity for them.  wouldn't you know he sat there for 35 minutes on that chair, un-moving today while holding a little beetle on a dustpan, just watching its antennae twitch.  there is no better feeling than seeing both of your kids totally involved in what is right before them.  so after reflecting on all of this, the weariness is not lifted (nor will it be until I am fast asleep) but the frustration and the feelings of failure have faded into a smile as i remember the parts of day worth remembering and look forward to creating more of the same tomorrow. blogs have a way of sharing only the beautiful, rainbow colored moments of our lives....but its important to be honest and share the real life parts of our life too.  makes those special shiny moments all the more wonderful.

"let food be thy medicine..." - hippocrates

a post otherwise titled: "forks over knives".... how i accidentally became vegan

see roger eberts passionate review of this film here.  

my head is still whirling from an information-induced high that has completely transformed the way i approach food after attending the san diego premier and panel discussion of the life-changing documentary "forks over knives" one week ago.  tonight i saw it a second time on the arm of my  supportive husband.  the film promotes through long-term, international, scientific and case-study based data a whole foods plant based diet (commonly referred to as 'vegan').  i went to the premier thinking it would be a fun nutrition/foodie documentary to enjoy by myself, nerd out about nutrition, and skip out the door feeling so good about all the things i was doing right nutritionally speaking.  in reality, i sat there like a sponge absorbing and processing every minute detail, argument and speck of data they presented from the two doctor's independent yet completely corresponding research, in awe of how little i knew about nutrition, how little i had ever really paid attention to nutrition and completely convinced of the direct relationship by what we put into our bodies every day and the long-term health of those bodies.

find the film synopsis here.  the data from the studies shows a direct correlation between the consumption of animal protein and the development of degenerative diseases. but more importantly it demonstrates the illnesses can actually be prevented, halted in their tracks and in many cases reversed completely by adopting a whole foods, plant based diet. diabetes. ED. high cholesterol. heart disease. cancer. auto-immune disease.  case after case of patients looking for a way to actually treat (and in many cases reverse) their diseases instead of masking the symptoms and suffering of their diseases with countless medications (which bring symptoms and suffering of their own) were highlighted. the result? people got off the meds. PEOPLE. FELT. GREAT.  and i really love that one of the researchers refers to heart disease as a paper, toothless tiger because he is consistently seeing restored health and reversal of what could be fatal conditions all because of a shift in diet.

the night of the premier, a group of panel members were present for Q&A after the documentary. One in attendance, Rip Esselstyn, is also featured in the movie.  Previously a competitive triathlete, Rip took on a second career in his 30's as a fire fighter.  He tells his story and highlights his own case study in "Forks Over Knives" as well as in his book (The Engine 2 Diet) based on the same data and science as the documentary (his father is one of the researchers presenting his data in the movie) of a fellow fire fighter discovering he had decidedly fatal cholesterol levels after they made a bet one slow night at the station about who had the lowest cholesterol. Curiosity got the best of me and i decided that before fully transitioning to this new lifestyle I would  have a full panel of "wellness" bloodwork tests done just to see where i stand.  and compare the numbers to those in a month.

**UPDATE 5/23/11: I received my lab results and every single number they tested from my blood work fell right in the middle of the allowable range for normal/healthy except my LDL (bad cholesterol) was high. if a gal under 30 who eats healthy relative to the average American diet, recently ran a marathon and is at her optimal weight can have high cholesterol, it seems that one tiny thing if nothing else can get to anyone; i admit i was surprised about this. am interested to see how that number changes in a month (and if any of my other numbers change). ***

please see the movie.  even if you aren't interested in making the change to a whole foods plant based diet or if making that change just isn't realistic in your life, you may realize like i did how little attention we've paid to the nutrition aspect of eating.  i've always felt i've been a pretty healthy eater, but i've honestly learned so much in one week about nutrition and the sources of nutrients and minerals and protein and on and on.  a week ago if you asked me where we get calcium i would have said milk without batting an eye. now i've learned that green leafy vegetables are an excellent source of calcium that is actually more bioavailable to your body in that form than the calcium in cow's milk.

i want to shout the information i've learned this week from the rooftops. much like my experience with unmedicated, natural childbirth (another "alternative" choice i've made that i couldn't be more grateful for).  i guess i just want people to know....there is another way. there is another option. you have the choice. you can regain your health.  you can feel empowered to take your health and your life into your own control by simply choosing to follow a lifestyle of eating for nutrition, of eating a whole foods plant based diet.  that doesn't mean salad for every meal. i've actually been enjoying more options because i'm seeking out alternatives and recipes i previously never would have considered out of habit more than anything else.

i'm as shocked as the next guy that i was so touched by this information that i 'accidentally' on the spot became vegan (at least for a trial period until i work out for myself what is right for me for the long term, for now i am going for it gung ho).  confession: i've always considered vegetarians and vegans to be a little misguided, a little crazy and was sure they were somehow living nutritionally deficient lives. reality: while the terms vegetarian and vegan carry some heavy socio-political bang for their buck due to stereotypes in our society, i am pretty sure they have it right-on when it comes to health and nutrition.  ive had trouble telling people about my change because it does seem such a socially-charged announcement to decree you are vegan. people want to know - what does that mean?...and i'm still trying to work it out for myself.  for now, i am sticking to the definition of adhering to a whole foods plant based diet (eating as close to the source as possible, all plants, no animal anything). sure its easier to do this when i'm cooking in my own home with my own recipes. sure it'll make eating when traveling and in military living more challenging and interesting, but it'll also be an opportunity to share some delicious new recipes (and information) with friends and family.  i promise not to be an annoying vegan who is always blasting information about my choices, although i feel like i am tip-toeing around with this exciting information in my pocket like a shiny new treasure i want to share with everyone i love and care about.  i realize, just like with unmedicated natural childbirth, not everyone is ready, open to or interested in hearing about it.  some people are really upset by a lifestyle shift like this. others are just baffled by it (like i was one week ago).  but for me, and for my family (thank you for being so supportive and positive and onboard with this experiment, darling husband!), for now, this is the path we are choosing to walk down.  i'm excited to share in this little space, my little space where it is safe to talk about this stuff without fear of being obnoxious or overbearing (if you are sick of hearing about it, come back when i'm back to talking about the cute things my kids are doing) how this journey down the road of eating a whole foods plant based diet goes for us.

knee-deep in real life

sometimes there are lots of fun-filled photos to share and stories to tell of our on-the-go days in san diego. lately its been a lot of playing at the park and little moments shared at home that don't feel so "news worthy" and yet i realize that these little moments spent together are the ones i'll always cherish and remember so fondly.

these little moments of catching my littles in exploration or a funny face or a shared adventure together. the exciting days that daddy arrives early enough for both kids to race to the door to greet him. listening to betsy say over and over and over " mamamamamamamamamamamama" and "quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack" as she attempts with two tiny words to tell us all that's on her happy little heart. someday, too, i'll fondly remember all the stress and exhaustion and frantic momma-studying and discussing and million-middle-of-the-night-wake-ups that are keeping me on my toes these days as a certain two-year-old navigates the fine line between absolute independence of doing everything on his own and still needing wanting requiring the comfort of momma in the middle of the night. although tiring, it sure does warm my heart knowing in times of need, no one else will do (although we're working on elevating daddy to hero status for some of those middle of the night needs).  finding balance in the work and play of the day, the needs and wants of two kids who are so close in age yet so very far apart (right now) in their development, the doing and making and baking and fixing of the home and the time very much needed for just two.  in these days when daddy has a little more downtime than normal, i'm trying to stay as much in this very moment as possible as i soak it all in. as a family dinner starts feeling normal, even if for only this month. even if its waaay earlier than we'd like to eat. and it always feels a tiny bit rushed. i am soaking it in. and even a family story time is emerging, feeling so cozy and perfect. even if bedtime is still a struggle. and a one year old doesn't like to sit still for stories. and a two year old sometimes can't physically possibly sit still for stories. even then, when we are all together in one room reading fairy tales by candlelight...yes, even then with all the craziness and wiggling and power struggling, it still feels perfect. even if only for this month. soak every single bit of it in. because already looming larger than life in the back of my mind is the very sad truth that october is only five months away. so, here's to staying in the moment and loving the time you are given together in one place, as a whole; the way it should be. nothing particularly "news worthy" yet, all of this is what makes this life of ours so very wonderfully memorable.

learning tower to help in the kitchen from deedee & bumpah

we call this her "aunt mildred" face

she loves pushing her buggy, but more so enjoys riding in (and crashing) her buggy

yes, he is sitting on daddy's head

snuggle bugs

lining them all up

ready to go shopping (betsy's new bag and glasses from her b-day)

morning movie time while momma makes breakfast

simply ten good things

...inspired by Amanda Soule's blog post...taking time to think about 'simply ten good things" in my right now.

a new perspective on discipline (ever so timely, two's are indeed terrible as of late, but learning that perhaps....ahem, i have a lot more power and influence on this than i realized)
dinner on the back patio with my husband
cocoa brownies for dessert
"i love you too, momma. 'nigh 'nigh"
putt-putt date night on the calendar
big blue, sunshiney eyes after a 3 hour nap...every day
only-needs-one-finger-to-hold walking baby one year old
a birthday party just around the corner
scouring our new toddler art book, finding inspiration on every page (and considering hosting a weekly toddler art play group)
a baby quilt almost complete and a weekend of silent, therapeutic creation with love to fill those nights when hubby is away.

a biggie, more changes

i must confess, i haven't written because i don't even know where to start! there is so much swirling in my head and there is so much swirling in my home that there really hasn't been time to sit and sort it all out into manageable thoughts and meaningful musings. its a long shot to think sitting down to type and see what comes out will produce something thoughtful and insightful, i suppose you can decide if you chose to continue reading!

topic one: pete the two year old
we've jumped headfirst into uncharted territory and its got me a little frazzled, left me with some ruffled feathers and has me busy reading and researching new creative approaches. as if overnight, the game changed completely. perhaps the control freak in me is more freaked out than the mom in me...because i've realized that the little control i still maintained is now lost. no snazzy childproofing mechanisms slow him down.  he goes in and out of his door as he pleases - which has mad the new issue of repeated night time waking an exhausting one. this boy used to sleep soundly, and hard all through the night. now there there are hour-long periods where he is rushing to his bedroom door over and over, i mean as soon as we've got him tucked back in he's at it again. how do we fix it? we've read maintain consistency, don't talk to him or make the process fun, just take him right back to bed and leave without a word. and yet even that seems to be enough interaction to make him continue it. or maybe there is another issue? we've read its just him exercising his right as a two year old to try and do whatever he pleases. and i'm all about him exercising independence and having an opinion, just not during the night when his parents need to be sleeping! and on the issue of sleep, because of his frequent night time waking - he is all out of whack during the day. he's napping two hours earlier than normal (because he needs to .... and is going right to sleep without a hint of protest which leaves me even more baffled about the bizarre night time activities) and sleeping nicely for 1.5-2 hours. but that means he is eating lunch at 10:30 and eating dinner at 4:30 and he is going to bed around 5:45 because he is absolutely falling apart by that time. i am just trying to wait it out and give him what i can to meet his needs. hoping this one fizzles out soon and he goes back to being a brilliant sleeper. he is a different child when he is well rested (when he wakes up) compared to when he is exhausted (totally hyper, can't focus, naughty, etc).

topic two: playful learning spaces e-course
i am participating in an online e-course called playful learning spaces.  it has my mental gears churning - which sort of feels more like mashing working on the little sleep we are getting (see above).  i've been reading some books and now with the additional guidance of this e-course i think i am ready to dig deep and make some changes that i've been working on in my mind's eye for awhile now.  the first class was yesterday and discussed a lot about misconceptions society holds about children and the "stuff" they are made of.  i couldn't agree more with her thoughts - that children are much bigger beings than we generally give them credit for, not adults and should not be treated as such, but their souls and spirits and individuality is big big BIG! they are in tune with what is happening around them, they are learning through every social interaction and they just want to be a part of what is taking place around them.  i believe all of this in my heart as truth and am trying my best to part with other ways of thinking that sometimes want to take over, particularly when my frustration feels so heavy!  i am re-re-re-teaching myself to focus on patience and love and creativity.....trying a new approach until i find one (or several?) that feels right and seems to work.  lately i've been disappointed with my failure to control my frustration and out it comes, in a loud voice, directed at my tiny toddler (sometimes his behavior just feels like its coming from something bigger than a 2 year old)....and its not fair to him. and it teaches him ugly behaviors. i yell at the dog and think nothing of it. but then i see him yell at the dog and it looks really ugly - and he is doing the exact same thing i just did. ugh.  its healthy to have a little mirror to show you your flaws, but my goodness it sure does create a lump in your chest that you are very consciously aware of throughout the day. anyway.....the second part of the first course was discussing display and organization. grouping like items together in baskets that can be put away, with labels (or photo labels for kids who can't read) - there was a lot of talk of "independently accessing and successfully putting away" toys in order to create an environment where kids can discover and interact with the world around them on a whim in whatever way they fancy.  she additionally talked about finding activities that were a good fit for where they are developmentally; you know you've found it when they spend a lot of time on that one activity repeating it over and over again as their little mind twitters about mastering the task at hand. i saw a glimpse of that last week with the playing with beans.....and i know there are more. and i'm working on implementing them (there are some good ideas on the montessori services website).

 earlier this week on a warmer day (sorry dear friends who are still kneck-deep in snow, maybe you could try an activity like this in the bathtub-a play bath) - i cut the top off a milk jug, poked a hole int he bottom and tied it to a pole on our porch.  i place a tupperware bin under it and a container filled with water next to it and gave him an empty cream cheese container as a scoop.  he spent about an hour scooping water up, pouring it into the jug, watching it pour out the hole into the tupperware below. sometimes he'd catch the the wter coming out the hole in the bottom of the jug in his cup (sometimes he'd drink it - ew) and sometimes he'd just splash and stir the "pot"....he's really fascinated with water and this activity was a huge hit, and a little easier to control than having him stand at the sink to play.
he did require a wardrobe change afterwards but it was worth it, he enjoyed every second of it.

 this week i've been introducing him to water color paints. i think this activity is still a little advance for him, or maybe there is just too much mom-intervention/rules associated with it (peter, don't lick the paint, don't put the paintbrush in your mouth, dip it in the water first and then put it on the paper, no not on your shirt, etc......).  this morning was the second day we played with it and he was really excited about it - and i was forcing myself to stay in the kitchen, just a super-mom leap away from intervening if things got really ugly but far enough away to keep my hands out of the picture and let him explore what he had in front of him. he was most excited about dipping the brush full of paint into the water and watching it swirl off the brush and mix with the other colors. he did get some paint on the paper. a lot of other paper went directly onto his shirt (oh well). and then, out of the blue its like he realized he was getting into the project and then whipped the container filled with a very tiny bit of water across the entire house, his way of announcing he was through with the project i guess.  that's the type of thing that frustrates me - and maybe its just a boy thing or a 2 year old thing or who knows what irreversible damage i've cuased him - he can be playing so nicely and then just throws things. he is big on throwing his fork and drink at dinner. lots of toys get chucked across the house. not good, and really gets my hackles up, i'm trying to stay calm and respond in different ways to see what has a more productive effect on him. lately i've just been taking away the thrown item and putting it in a time out (that's what i tell him but i take it away for the rest of the day) and explain to him that we do not throw our toys or forks or whatever the case may be.  we're also working on him being gentle with baxter and betsy. he really rough houses with the dog, climbs up onto the couch to "snuggle" with him but in the process is bulldozing the poor dog with his wrecking-ball of a head and grabbing his legs or tail, the whole while saying "nice, good boy baxter, good boy" and acting as though he is being so sweet when in fact the dog is hating every second of it.  he's started pushing betsy too, not in a mean way, just trying to get her to head the direction he wants her to go. not good and she is unhappy about the extra "help". hmmm....i think i am venting here. i am just at a loss sometimes at an appropriate response to these behaviors. patience and trying to teach him and show him are what i am going with until i have some breakthrough.

topic three: am becoming more and more interested in (obsessed?) with finding natural, homemade, toxin free products to replace my store-bought, expensive and chemically-laden products. for example, i make my own baby wipe solution, my own face wash and my own multi-purpose cleaning spray (in addition to trying to cook as much from scratch and as much from organic, local food sources as possible).  i'd like to branch out further and make more cleaning products and home remedies for things that ail us....there is a lot of wisdom to be learned about herbals and tinctures and things made simply of plants that grow in the earth with these great healing properties. and things like the neti pot (sinus cleansing, i swear by it!)....instead of always heading to the doctor for some medication that hasn't really truly been tested for safety or effectiveness and often times just masks or dulls your symptoms instead of curing you so you are prolonging the illness by erasing the cues your body is giving you to slow down while it heals itself.  i recently watched a documentary called "food matters" that has even more fueled my curiousity/drive/obsession with this subject - talking about what seems like a very obvious yet mostly-ignored proposition of eating an actually healthy, nutrient and vitamin rich diet (of at least 51% uncooked food so the nutritional value is not lost when heated) and treating illness with increased levels of those nutrients and vitamins.  they are talking about seeing results with cancer even! yet people are not learning about proper nutrition, doctors are not studying nutrition, and no one is taking it seriously.....because they can much easier go and get a pill to "fix" whatever the problem is.  i am also looking into finding myself a naturopath doctor here in san diego, i'd like to at least meet with one and see what their approach is because from what i've read, they are way more up my alley. i have basically hated every interaction with every doctor i've ever seen for anything that ailed me - except for when medical intervention was actually required (surgery on toes and wrist).  it just seems there are SO many other options to go to first before writing a prescription, yet that is the first thing every doctor will do is whip out their prescription pad or hand you a free sample of something to try and see if it helps. no thank you, i want to determine the cause of the problem and FIX it. i do not want to be dependent on this medication the rest of my life.

topic four: i really REALLY want to raise my own chickens.  my friend melanie lives in an apartment with a tiny back yard (patio) downtown chicago and has three hens. its called urban agriculture and i LOVE the concept. i want in. i told reid i wanted a book about raising backyard chickens for valentines day. he might think i'm crazy. :) yes, i want an book about chicken raising instead of roses. :)

and my sweet baby is waking up so its off i go.  am excited to share with you as i make changes and learn more about all these topics.  hopefully no one thinks i am going off the deep end!