10 months big!

my sweetie pie baby curtis is 10 months old. goodness how this year has flown by. this picture brings tears to my eyes as my tiny newborn snuggle bunny is swept away by time and is barreling into the toddler stage. but this picture also swells my heart with waves of incredible joy. he brings so much happiness to my days. watching him learn and move. he is into everything his big brother and big sister are working on and squeals with delight when they let him join along. he's quick as lighting on his hands and knees and moves pretty swiftly along the edge of the furniture as well. he'll be walking in no time of course. this little tiny sweet child has grown oh so much in these ten months and i've loved every single minute spent snuggled up together, nurturing him with "momma milk" as the big kids call it. and soon we'll be planning a birthday celebration. oh little man, we love you so much. thanks for all the fun and joy you add to our days! and heavens, thanks for your tolerance and flexibility - we've drug you through so many times of transition. getting ready to move. a long visit to family. flying across the ocean. changing 40 time zones. you are such a patient baby. thank you!!

36 weeks, 2 days

not that i'm counting. :) i've actually been very tuned in to the passage of time with this growing baby, particularly because miss betsy caught us so by surprise when she arrived three weeks before her guess-date.  37 weeks is considered full term and "safe" for arrival and because i've been having multiple braxton hicks contractions since right around thanksgiving and because the past month i've been having what have felt like painless, early-labor surges throughout my days, i have been even more accutely attuned to the passage of time, willing and praying for the baby to stay put at least until 37 weeks (if he were to come early, we would not be able to birth at the birth center due to possible preterm complications). as we near the 37 week mark, i can feel all that anxiety slowly releasing, as i am more and more able to get back to trusting my body and baby to know what its doing. my goodness, the female body is designed so perfectly for growing and birthing babies, but our culture has associated so much fear with the process and assigned so much doubt to our own innate abilities. i am grateful for such a smooth pregnancy again and looking forward to sharing another beautiful birth-day journey with our little man.
it will be so exciting to see how all the details of the day unfold as so many things are not set in stone. i'm grateful i've learned to give up control of things over which i truly have no control at all, a lesson that apparently only motherhood could teach me.  this week continues to be a flurry of activity as i direct all my attention to getting our ducks in a row, everything prepped and ready so that this weekend i may shift down into "waiting gear" and rest an relax until baby chooses his day. i am grateful for the arrival of my mother-in-law this weekend to further facilitate the downshift in required activities in my momma-day. it is so nice to have help and to feel taken care of and most importantly to know my two sweet littles will be tended to around the clock, even if i need a nap and especially when i slip out of the house when the time comes to meet our third sweet babe. 
i have been swooning this week with gratitude for the love and support that is swirling around me everywhere i go here in san diego. i finally feel home with so many close friends to lift me up and give me the energy and support and love i need in this time of transition, especially with my very best friend/darling husband so very, very far away. thank you to all of you for loving our family with all of your might, it makes this period of change even more special for us! xoxo

36 weeks 2 days, in front of the door to the birthing room where peter was born

#3 at 30 weeks

i'm in awe....really, its been 30 weeks of growing along with my babe?  the passage of time has shifted into hyper-speed lately, and i suppose i am grateful for that since there are so many grand things on the horizon.  there has been much activity catching my attention from within these past few weeks. so much more movement and readjustment now that he is big and strong. and my body has been adjusting and preparing, both to support his rapidly growing body and to get ready for his birth-day.  this time its  as if i am watching the changes happen, much more consciously than before.  and there have been many more braxton hicks contractions this time than i experienced with big brother or big sister....its all ok and normal and safe, its just new and different. just a tiny reminder  
"take it easy, we've still got some growing to do together, but it won't be too much longer to wait"
it seems he is riding lower too which has accelerated me into the early stages of super-pregnant-lady waddling about.  all these changes are blessings to me as they remind me to slow down and start focusing more attention and energy on myself and baby.  of course, its at about this time that my nesting "disease" has kicked into overdrive, so its a balancing act of sorts around here. whirlwinds of business and energy-draining insanity (which are greatly productive and so delicious) combined with just sitting and being and thinking and doting on this tiny one who i am so very excited to meet.

30 weeks. that means in just SEVEN short weeks he will be considered full term and can come on out any time he pleases. seven!  i'm giddy over how little time there is remaining to wait.  his arrival will be such a special event, certainly different in its own way than either of our other two beautiful birth stories....am so anxious to unwrap all the magic of the details.  am so grateful to be surrounded by loving, supportive ladies who will be by my side to lift me up and hold my hand and fill me with empowerment and strength. am so grateful for such an incredible husband who has been so good at reaching out to me from around the world, to keep us as close as possible during these last special weeks, despite the enormity of our separation. am so blessed for a mother and a mother-in-love who are at the ready to swoop in when the time is right and tend to my older babes and dote a little on a new momma too in the days that follow his arrival. i know its futile to attempt to imagine what he'll look like or feel like in those first seconds i bring him to my chest and fall to pieces, head over heels in love with another amazing child.  i know its impossible to conjure up the magic contained in those first few moments,...hours...days. but i am certainly excited beyond measure. because this time, this third time, that i am blessed to become a mother again, i am more conscious than ever of the magnitude of his birth-day. the emotions and pride and empowerment and transformation that comes with laboring and child birth. the wave of euphoria i know i'll feel again,  as i reach down and bring my babe into my arms with an awesome cheering squad watching it all happen (and taking pictures for daddy!).  i am not naive to think there won't be some sadness in those first few moments of togetherness on that precious day, knowing that half way around the world, this perfect little baby's father is dying to see him, touch him....meet him. and me wishing with all my might to share that moment with him, to be kissed by him and wrapped up in his arms and see the joy and pride dancing in his eyes just as i have twice before.  to watch him swaddle that babe up and ever so carefully drive his wife and new child home in a protective way only a daddy can do.  i know that this moment is when i will most need the lifting up of my amazing team of ladies who i love so dearly. this will surely be the biggest trial of the birth-day...clinging to the joy and magic of the moment as the shadow of emptiness, of missing my other half creeps into my heart, once the work of the day is done.  please know my darling that your love will be known to this child, no matter the distance.  he is so blessed to come into this world with you as his father.  and despite the bit of emptiness the other half of the bed will carry that day, i know there is another joyful day right around the corner - when his daddy will get to scoop his entire family up into his arms, including his newest son, and kiss us all one by one - his family. that day when we all go home together, the five of us, will be #3's second birth-day of sorts - the day when his family will again be complete.

tres @ 17.5 weeks

sorry...this was my HOT weather attire for our afternoon of water play, i figured it was a good opportunity to take my first belly shot. my new short hair cut is looking a little rough but i am enjoying how easy and low maintenance it is these days. probably not a forever-style but perfect for my right now.

boy do i love the wiggle-jab-ping i'm starting to feel when this baby is moving in my belly. its starting out subtle but in a few weeks i'm sure it'll really be noticeable and it makes my heart smile every time.  i haven't dedicated much written space to this little babe growing inside but i sure do spend a lot of time thinking on "it" and smiling about "it" (yes, we will find out the baby's gender next month, waiting for daddy) and talking about "it" with the kids.  while every minute of every day is already full of my two sweet babes, i'm looking forward to welcoming another into our sweet little piece of insanity here in san diego (or wherever we may go).  when i was pregnant with betsy i wondered how i could ever love another baby as much as i loved my first born....and then i took one look at her and melted with adoration - so i'm not so worried about it this time.  i'm already enamored with this little one.  for awhile the birth-day logistics of who was caring for whom was eating me up but my local friends and my mother in law and mom all jumped in to save the day and now the care of my littles during labor is not so heavy on my heart. my doula and san diego best friend are ready to take me when the time comes, and while it seems so far off now, i know it will be here before any of us are really ready so it seems best to plan now.