a biggie, more changes

i must confess, i haven't written because i don't even know where to start! there is so much swirling in my head and there is so much swirling in my home that there really hasn't been time to sit and sort it all out into manageable thoughts and meaningful musings. its a long shot to think sitting down to type and see what comes out will produce something thoughtful and insightful, i suppose you can decide if you chose to continue reading!

topic one: pete the two year old
we've jumped headfirst into uncharted territory and its got me a little frazzled, left me with some ruffled feathers and has me busy reading and researching new creative approaches. as if overnight, the game changed completely. perhaps the control freak in me is more freaked out than the mom in me...because i've realized that the little control i still maintained is now lost. no snazzy childproofing mechanisms slow him down.  he goes in and out of his door as he pleases - which has mad the new issue of repeated night time waking an exhausting one. this boy used to sleep soundly, and hard all through the night. now there there are hour-long periods where he is rushing to his bedroom door over and over, i mean as soon as we've got him tucked back in he's at it again. how do we fix it? we've read maintain consistency, don't talk to him or make the process fun, just take him right back to bed and leave without a word. and yet even that seems to be enough interaction to make him continue it. or maybe there is another issue? we've read its just him exercising his right as a two year old to try and do whatever he pleases. and i'm all about him exercising independence and having an opinion, just not during the night when his parents need to be sleeping! and on the issue of sleep, because of his frequent night time waking - he is all out of whack during the day. he's napping two hours earlier than normal (because he needs to .... and is going right to sleep without a hint of protest which leaves me even more baffled about the bizarre night time activities) and sleeping nicely for 1.5-2 hours. but that means he is eating lunch at 10:30 and eating dinner at 4:30 and he is going to bed around 5:45 because he is absolutely falling apart by that time. i am just trying to wait it out and give him what i can to meet his needs. hoping this one fizzles out soon and he goes back to being a brilliant sleeper. he is a different child when he is well rested (when he wakes up) compared to when he is exhausted (totally hyper, can't focus, naughty, etc).

topic two: playful learning spaces e-course
i am participating in an online e-course called playful learning spaces.  it has my mental gears churning - which sort of feels more like mashing working on the little sleep we are getting (see above).  i've been reading some books and now with the additional guidance of this e-course i think i am ready to dig deep and make some changes that i've been working on in my mind's eye for awhile now.  the first class was yesterday and discussed a lot about misconceptions society holds about children and the "stuff" they are made of.  i couldn't agree more with her thoughts - that children are much bigger beings than we generally give them credit for, not adults and should not be treated as such, but their souls and spirits and individuality is big big BIG! they are in tune with what is happening around them, they are learning through every social interaction and they just want to be a part of what is taking place around them.  i believe all of this in my heart as truth and am trying my best to part with other ways of thinking that sometimes want to take over, particularly when my frustration feels so heavy!  i am re-re-re-teaching myself to focus on patience and love and creativity.....trying a new approach until i find one (or several?) that feels right and seems to work.  lately i've been disappointed with my failure to control my frustration and out it comes, in a loud voice, directed at my tiny toddler (sometimes his behavior just feels like its coming from something bigger than a 2 year old)....and its not fair to him. and it teaches him ugly behaviors. i yell at the dog and think nothing of it. but then i see him yell at the dog and it looks really ugly - and he is doing the exact same thing i just did. ugh.  its healthy to have a little mirror to show you your flaws, but my goodness it sure does create a lump in your chest that you are very consciously aware of throughout the day. anyway.....the second part of the first course was discussing display and organization. grouping like items together in baskets that can be put away, with labels (or photo labels for kids who can't read) - there was a lot of talk of "independently accessing and successfully putting away" toys in order to create an environment where kids can discover and interact with the world around them on a whim in whatever way they fancy.  she additionally talked about finding activities that were a good fit for where they are developmentally; you know you've found it when they spend a lot of time on that one activity repeating it over and over again as their little mind twitters about mastering the task at hand. i saw a glimpse of that last week with the playing with beans.....and i know there are more. and i'm working on implementing them (there are some good ideas on the montessori services website).

 earlier this week on a warmer day (sorry dear friends who are still kneck-deep in snow, maybe you could try an activity like this in the bathtub-a play bath) - i cut the top off a milk jug, poked a hole int he bottom and tied it to a pole on our porch.  i place a tupperware bin under it and a container filled with water next to it and gave him an empty cream cheese container as a scoop.  he spent about an hour scooping water up, pouring it into the jug, watching it pour out the hole into the tupperware below. sometimes he'd catch the the wter coming out the hole in the bottom of the jug in his cup (sometimes he'd drink it - ew) and sometimes he'd just splash and stir the "pot"....he's really fascinated with water and this activity was a huge hit, and a little easier to control than having him stand at the sink to play.
he did require a wardrobe change afterwards but it was worth it, he enjoyed every second of it.

 this week i've been introducing him to water color paints. i think this activity is still a little advance for him, or maybe there is just too much mom-intervention/rules associated with it (peter, don't lick the paint, don't put the paintbrush in your mouth, dip it in the water first and then put it on the paper, no not on your shirt, etc......).  this morning was the second day we played with it and he was really excited about it - and i was forcing myself to stay in the kitchen, just a super-mom leap away from intervening if things got really ugly but far enough away to keep my hands out of the picture and let him explore what he had in front of him. he was most excited about dipping the brush full of paint into the water and watching it swirl off the brush and mix with the other colors. he did get some paint on the paper. a lot of other paper went directly onto his shirt (oh well). and then, out of the blue its like he realized he was getting into the project and then whipped the container filled with a very tiny bit of water across the entire house, his way of announcing he was through with the project i guess.  that's the type of thing that frustrates me - and maybe its just a boy thing or a 2 year old thing or who knows what irreversible damage i've cuased him - he can be playing so nicely and then just throws things. he is big on throwing his fork and drink at dinner. lots of toys get chucked across the house. not good, and really gets my hackles up, i'm trying to stay calm and respond in different ways to see what has a more productive effect on him. lately i've just been taking away the thrown item and putting it in a time out (that's what i tell him but i take it away for the rest of the day) and explain to him that we do not throw our toys or forks or whatever the case may be.  we're also working on him being gentle with baxter and betsy. he really rough houses with the dog, climbs up onto the couch to "snuggle" with him but in the process is bulldozing the poor dog with his wrecking-ball of a head and grabbing his legs or tail, the whole while saying "nice, good boy baxter, good boy" and acting as though he is being so sweet when in fact the dog is hating every second of it.  he's started pushing betsy too, not in a mean way, just trying to get her to head the direction he wants her to go. not good and she is unhappy about the extra "help". hmmm....i think i am venting here. i am just at a loss sometimes at an appropriate response to these behaviors. patience and trying to teach him and show him are what i am going with until i have some breakthrough.

topic three: am becoming more and more interested in (obsessed?) with finding natural, homemade, toxin free products to replace my store-bought, expensive and chemically-laden products. for example, i make my own baby wipe solution, my own face wash and my own multi-purpose cleaning spray (in addition to trying to cook as much from scratch and as much from organic, local food sources as possible).  i'd like to branch out further and make more cleaning products and home remedies for things that ail us....there is a lot of wisdom to be learned about herbals and tinctures and things made simply of plants that grow in the earth with these great healing properties. and things like the neti pot (sinus cleansing, i swear by it!)....instead of always heading to the doctor for some medication that hasn't really truly been tested for safety or effectiveness and often times just masks or dulls your symptoms instead of curing you so you are prolonging the illness by erasing the cues your body is giving you to slow down while it heals itself.  i recently watched a documentary called "food matters" that has even more fueled my curiousity/drive/obsession with this subject - talking about what seems like a very obvious yet mostly-ignored proposition of eating an actually healthy, nutrient and vitamin rich diet (of at least 51% uncooked food so the nutritional value is not lost when heated) and treating illness with increased levels of those nutrients and vitamins.  they are talking about seeing results with cancer even! yet people are not learning about proper nutrition, doctors are not studying nutrition, and no one is taking it seriously.....because they can much easier go and get a pill to "fix" whatever the problem is.  i am also looking into finding myself a naturopath doctor here in san diego, i'd like to at least meet with one and see what their approach is because from what i've read, they are way more up my alley. i have basically hated every interaction with every doctor i've ever seen for anything that ailed me - except for when medical intervention was actually required (surgery on toes and wrist).  it just seems there are SO many other options to go to first before writing a prescription, yet that is the first thing every doctor will do is whip out their prescription pad or hand you a free sample of something to try and see if it helps. no thank you, i want to determine the cause of the problem and FIX it. i do not want to be dependent on this medication the rest of my life.

topic four: i really REALLY want to raise my own chickens.  my friend melanie lives in an apartment with a tiny back yard (patio) downtown chicago and has three hens. its called urban agriculture and i LOVE the concept. i want in. i told reid i wanted a book about raising backyard chickens for valentines day. he might think i'm crazy. :) yes, i want an book about chicken raising instead of roses. :)

and my sweet baby is waking up so its off i go.  am excited to share with you as i make changes and learn more about all these topics.  hopefully no one thinks i am going off the deep end!