i know in 20 years i'll look back at this fondly, wonder how i did it and smile about all the memories.
but, tonight being a mom feels wonderfully overwhelming.
i know in 20 years i'll miss frantically searching for the sippy cup lost in the house. reading the same book 5 times in a row, 4 times a day for 5 days straight. eating food off the high chair tray because my child won't and i don't have time to make my own dinner. sitting across the room wanting so badly to hug my screaming toddler mid-tantrum but knowing i need to ignore this behavior instead of reward it. fighting every urge to smile so he doesn't see what he's done is funny and doesn't repeat it (even though its SO funny). changing diapers. talking about diapers. thinking about diapers. coming up with new ways to sneak vegetables into each meal.
i know in 20 years i'll miss bedtime stories. my child asking to be held. my child throwing his toys across the room. stepping on those toys all day. picking those toys up at the end of every day. watching him rearrange my cabinets. watching in fear as he learns to use the cabinet shelf as a step stool and the stove top as a place to grab onto. watching in terror as he climbs the counter stool and blindly sweeps his arm across the counter to see what his fingers can find. watching in absolute shock as he pulls a pair of scissors out of the drawer.  realizing my house is not even close to toddler proofed. baby proofed yes. toddler proofed....is there such a thing?
i am positive in 20 years i'll miss seeing him squat down to examine the leaves in my garden. and watching him grab an orange bell pepper out of my hand at the store and try to take a big hearty bite. and hearing him announce to me whenever he has seen a fish (you'd be surprised how many times a day that happens!). and hearing him announce to me every single time a plane flies overhead that daddy is above us. and wondering if he thinks planes are called daddies. and seeing him squeeze the ever-living-daylights out of baxter with all the love he has for that pup. and hearing him announce 'eye' as he attempts to poke out every eyeball he sees.
i am positive in 20 days i'll already be wondering where has my baby gone? she is getting so big. she is smiling now. and then she'll be reaching and grabbing for objects. and talking in her little baby coos. and then she'll be rolling over and propping herself up. and eating solid foods. and then there will be crawling and talking and walking.  and i'll blink and she'll be an 18 month old toddler scaling my kitchen cabinets and blindly sweeping her fingers through my utencil drawer looking for something dangerous to play with.
and then i'll blink and they'll both be applying for college. oh my.
there isn't time enough or space available for me to note all the things i love about being a mom. and all the things i love are also some of the same things that surely cause me to be frustrated and exhausted by my day's work. sometimes they make me want to cry.  sometimes they make me want to call everyone i know to tell them the amazing thing my child has just accomplished. but at the end of the day when my wee ones are tucked in and i look back on the moments we shared that day, the good and the bad, my heart inevitably swells with love for these little ones. i just hope in these coming months and years where they are learning so much and so very easily influenced that i can do right by them and help them grow up into bigger versions of their amazing little selves.