right now i'm

-missing my man
-praying he's warm at night and his back is feeling grand
-procrastinating from  finished packing
-excited to see our families
-so wound up and giddy about my sister's shower
-scared i won't get it all done before saturday
-thankful my mom is even more organized than i am
-hoping baxter is behaving nicely for chris
-grateful for fabulous friends who never think twice to help me out
-too tired to think but too crazy not to finish my book tonight (ok, maybe i'm more tired than i thought....alie, its still february, this was the february book, right? phew)
-anxious about taking a 14 month old boy on a plane at his naptime and asking him to sit still on my very pregnant lap for the trip.
-enjoying the kicks of the little lady inside, my companion for the night
-hopeful to get a phonecall or e-mail from reid soon. saturday seems so long ago....

have a wonderful night and a happy week, there may not be a whole lot of posting going on but i promise i'll catch up once the crazy ride slows down.  i'm about to step onto a roller coaster ride that won't really be over until may.....at which point i'll simply be getting onto a bigger, scarier roller coaster ride for the rest of the year! yeee-haw!!!!  had our 27w 3d preggo checkup today, i've gained 26 pounds and the baby is sounding healthy and is measuring right where they expect her too.  all my lab work from last week came back normal (gestational diabetes, platelet count, anemia test) so that's grand news too. its a good day when your midwife says "well, you are just so healthy, everything looks wonderful!" 

good job, lady bug ... you are growing and kicking and having a lovely time in there. less than 13 weeks now til we meet. can't wait to tickle your toes and kiss your cheeks and stare at you in disbelief. i wonder what petey will do the first time he sees you.  we've been practicing with giving gentle kisses and lots of love to a baby doll so he knows that you're coming and how to love you when you get here.  whenever i ask him to go get his baby, his face lights up and he cuddles her close.  soon he will want to kiss you a million times a day. i hope you are ready!  we can't be more excited!

the orange circle

this sweet kid has recently taken an interest in puzzles and shapes and how they fit together. he's not really there yet with any of the puzzle pieces, except the orange circle in our shapes puzzle. the orange circle is the only shape that he has mastered with 100% accuracy.  he loves that little orange circle.  he carries around the puzzle board and the orange circle piece and puts it in place and takes it back out. he has even found new creative ways of taking it out of the puzzle, using his teeth to bite the little red handle on the piece itself.  he is hilarious to watch and so very proud of himself each time he puts it in place.  likewise, he has a little box with different shaped holes on top and then there are plastic shapes to put through the matching shaped holes.  he also can place the blue circle shape into the correct hole 90% of the time. again, that's his favorite go-to shape.  love that circle.  none of those pesky corners requiring you to have it placed just so, just plop it in there and it fits no matter what.  he likes the idea of putting the other puzzle pieces in but gives himself the congratulatory hand clapping session (i guess he picked up on my excitement each time he was putting the pieces in) whenever he gets the pieces on the puzzle, near their correct placement.  i am just thrilled he is taking an interest and i know that in a short matter of time he'll be a whiz at these puzzles and we'll be looking for something more challenging.

having little to do with puzzle pieces but much to do with his sweetness and how much he makes me laugh, i found the steam stack from his train made of blocks in the door of the refrigerator under the salad dressing last night.  i laughed out loud and couldn't figure out when the door would have been open long enough for him to slip it under there without me seeing it.  there are a few other puzzle pieces and blocks missing and i'm curious where they will turn up.  i've started locking the diaper pail shut given his recent interest in putting the dirty diapers in there after each change....worried we'll maybe find lose a shoe or a vital puzzle piece into the smelly abyss of that thing and never know until we've thrown the bag out and given up hope.  my busy little boy. :)

and we have a great update - reid's back is doing much better as of saturday night, he was even able to go for a run. i hope that it continues to improve and not give him any trouble so he can at least sleep somewhat comfortably at night and fly safely whenever he is given the chance.  saturday was the last time we were able to talk so i'm thankful i was able to get the information that he is doing better as i was really worried about the back thing.  thanks for thinking of him!

being conscious of priorities and realities

each day my sweet boy is teaching me things without ever saying a word. i'm learning to really examine myself, my priorities and my reactions to his explorations and activities.  its interesting how my heart can be bursting with love for this wonderful little man and yet i find myself responding to him every once in awhile in ways that make me sad and find myself apologizing immediately for letting him down as his mommy.  several times today i became suddenly very conscious of those reactions and kept myself under strict self-observation all day. even when watching myself i found it was so easy to jump right to control or frustration or even yelling to deal with what i perceived as a "problem" quickly.  truly in those moments of failure i realized that the problem was me, not him.  he was going about his business, exploring and learning and questioning and trying - and i was seeing it as an interruption to my misguided priorities instead of encouraging him and incorporating him into what i was trying to accomplish.  i'm learning about respecting him and his age and learning that while i have things i must do and he will learn how to do them along with me that its not fair to punish or yell or grow frustrated simply because i don't have the patience for it.

i read a post at the mother huddle that really helped me hone in on these issues and had some great advice.  this quote particularly made me reflect: “It’s hard to act your age when your child is acting his.”

just this afternoon i picked out two pretty specific scenarios that i need to work on that both go back to the basic same guideline: respect his age and understand his viewpoint of the world. 
a) its ok to say yes; it requires me to relinquish some control but it allows my son to explore his world
b) before doling out discipline, anger and frustration to my small child, i need to examine myself and ensure that i am not in the wrong.


on the subject of saying "no" or not saying "no"-
its so easy to do it and i feel i do it a lot.....and some of it is absolutely necessary. examples from today:

no, no, don't:
-pull the dog's tail
-bite mommy's leg
-stir the toilet water
-pull on the hot iron cord
-put your arm into the diaper pail
-open the broiler door on the oven

you know, things that are unsafe to him or those around him. you have to say no and there has to be boundaries. but there are other times that i am reminding myself i don't have to say "no" and want to reserve the no's for the big situations. because the other things i am saying no to are things that make a little more work for me or cause a tiny bit of a mess or are just inconvenient for me at the time - but they are not fair to keep him from having those experiences.  things like:

-picking up dirt out of an empty planter and throwing it back in or on the sidewalk
-pushing the leaves and seeds around in some standing water leftover from last night's rain
-playing in the puddle on the side of the house
-sitting in the sun next to baxter while leaning against the trash can
-rearranging the shoes in my closet

those are all play things. exploration things. fun things. things to occupy himself. sometimes it just seems like second nature to say no to him but really - i want him to enjoy playing outside and truly, the dirtier he is afterwards, all the better i say.  yet sometimes knowing i'll have to clean up the mess makes me want to say no. so i am consciously resisting the urge. have fun. eat dirt. splash in puddles. throw dirt. my job is to teach him about the world around him and keep him safe and give him boundaries - so i'm on watch for lazy parenting reactions and making it a point to incorporate him into my planning and my priorities and if its not working i need to adjust myself first before responding harshly out of frustration. its not worth it. it robs him of the right to explore his world. and it makes our interactions negative which breaks my heart and find myself crumpling and hugging him right after and apologizing for being weak.

on naughtiness and priorities:
i am learning a new trick - when i think petey is being naughty i stop and consider what i am paying attention to at that moment, what my priorities are right then, how much attention i'm giving him - and usually its obvious. he's not being naughty, i am perceiving his actions as naughty because i'm trying to do something else and what he is doing is interfering or causing me to stop my project, whatever it may be. i know you have to get to things, but he is still along for the ride so i have to take him and his feelings and his needs as a 14 month old into consideration.  this morning i managed to dust and vacuum the entire house - but i included him and made it a game and at the end was impressed with how good he was during the whole process. but this afternoon i was trying to change and do my hair and kept thinking how terrible and ornery he was being. and then realized it was because instead of including him in the process i was treating him more like a roadblock to getting it done. and each time i yelled at him or told him no without redirecting him or giving him something to do in a very boring mommy's room he responded even more negatively, pulling on my pants, biting my leg, squawking and whining, etc.  so i stopped and realized it was my fault, not his. of course he was bored sitting there watching me straighten my hair with nothing to do and yes i was totally ignoring him so of course he is upset and trying to get attention. and i went and played with him and he was transformed back to his happy-go-lucky self who smiled and giggled and we had a grand time. and i finished getting ready once the babysitter arrived. he is doing normal 14 month old things. i need to respect what it means to be a 14 month old even when i am trying to get something else done. he has to stay at the top of the priority list and i need to figure out a way to make it work for both of us. 


i'm working on it my sweet son. i'm still learning how to be a mommy and to let other things go. to let go of control when it doesn't matter. to prioritize and plan for our day with your needs in mind.  to teach you how to be a good, loving, patient person by example.  thank you for teaching me patience and priorities one tiny moment at a time.  i'm so glad you are full of such an energetic, exploring, adventurous spirit - it makes me smile knowing you are going to have such a fun life because of those characteristics....and it makes me happy to know that as i learn more about being a mommy i will get to be all of those things with you.  we have many happy memories to make together. so be patient with me while i learn, i promise i am working at it and that being your mom so fills my heart with joy!

slow it down...

please keep reid in your thoughts, he's having terrible back pain while he's away which makes the whole "roughing-it" business unbearable. he tweaked it the day before they left and complained a little but then really tweaked it good when they arrived at "camp" and sounds like its been bad news ever since. he had to have a muscle relaxer shot today and was able to get to the main part of base to get the treatment and get a heating pad and purchase a real pillow (my tough guy only packed a mini camping pillow).  i am feeling for him and hoping he is better soon.  in less than comfortable circumstances, being in pain just makes it totally miserable. please pray he'll feel relief soon and will at least be able to sleep comfortably somehow on his cot, in his sleeping bag, in a big room full of other guys.......oh, and its cold. i wish i could snap my fingers and magic him here to sleep at night and send him back there in the morning to work!

his training trip hasn't changed much about our days, i didn't expect it to because we're used to him working long hours - but it definitely affects how i spend my evenings. i'm much more productive which feels good right now with my upcoming trip home but i will have to be careful not to over-do it.  i was lucky enough to have a free prenatal massage last night courtesy of bellus beauty academy right around the corner form our house - it was a military spouse appreciation special for valentine's month. anyway, during the massage i realized just how good it felt and just how bad i've been about relaxing and taking it slow. so i am trying to consciously slow down my pace and give myself permission to sit still more often. that also means i am forcing myself to go to bed by 9:30 at the latest. everything is better when i'm well rested and i could feel baby jumping for joy in my belly during the massage because mom being relaxed is good for her too!  anyway, i miss reid most in the evenings because that is our normal time together. its no fun crawling into bed without him to kiss me goodnight. but we've done this before and i know its good training for us to get ready for what happens in may.

petey got a real treat today - we rode the tiny train all around the indoor mall with our friends. those boys were all so cute looking out the windows of the training watching the mall go by (its actually kind of a fun way for the moms to window shop and chat while taking a load off).  above is a pic of petey and me in the train. below is a pic of all the boys. by the way, petey was the first guy to hop up there - as soon as he saw big boy david heading that way he wiggled right past him and plopped on down with a grin. after the other boys got up there he kind of slouched down and made himself right at home. it looks like he's falling off but if he's heading for the ground, its all by choice on his part. he is very much the master of his own destiny these days....he knows exactly what he wants to accomplish and how he wants to go about doing it.  this new exercise in independence may make for a rather interesting (and exhuasting) plane trip for us next week!

left to right: dave (4 yr), petey (14 mo), james (13 mo), ryan (18 mo)

low baby! preparing - and please try these cookies!

wow this baby girl is a low-rider.  i find myself reaching down to hoist up my belly and with 13 weeks til the due date, my belly will probably be down to my knees oh dear. petey was low but she is  really really low!  wonder if that means she'll be early. please-oh-please be early so daddy can meet you, sweet lady bug!  anyway, other than riding low in my belly, she is quite busy. i feel her moving so much more often than i felt petey. i'm not sure if its because she is more active or because my core isn't as strong as it was with petey or what - but it sure is fun. nothing painful, no jabs, no taking away my breath- just business that makes me smile.  i'm really excited to shift gears in a week or so and get her room all dolled up!  going to take care of all the bedding at home with the help of my mom and grandma - i am all about team projects when it comes to sewing!  its only mid-february but may is going to be here in the blink of an eye. its hard for me to fathom really, if i'm honest with myself, that she'll be here SO wonderfully soon. i'll be cuddling her close to me in no time at all! how lucky i am.

we've been lucky to enjoy perfect weather since the weekend, shorts and t-shirts and as much outside time as we can handle.  its heavenly - not sure how we feel about voluntarily going to the midwest next week but are very excited to see our families!  daddy is busy packing tonight for his training trip so its nice to have our trip home on the horizon, it'll make his month-long trip to the desert go by much more quickly.

some new things petey is loving lately:
grapes
corndogs
feeding himself
using a fork sometimes
dipping everything he can in some sort of sauce
going down slides
walking barefoot outside
giving kisses
hearing mommy sing the itsy bitsy spider and adding his version of hand motions
being tickled 
brushing his teeth
putting his shapes into the correct holes of the box lid (with help)
putting his stacking rings back on the pole (unassisted)
riding in the wagon
climbing up into big people chairs and his high chair all by himself and then looking at at the world with a big grin on his face
banging things into other things to make a glorious noise
putting laundry into the laundry basket. no matter if its clean or dirty
pushing the garage door button when we come back from walking the dog
immitating: dogs, crows, morning doves, leaf blowers, baxter's wierd growling cough and most any noise i make
lifting up my shirt to show me where my belly button is and pushing it in like a doorbell
waving bye-bye and waving hello
going to great lengths to appropriately greet any dog he spies
playing with water - even if its 1 cm in the bottom of the watering can
running
dancing, but only to music with a really good beat - waving his arms around and stomping his feet!
he's been kissing/licking the ground in the backyard, whether its dirt, cement, mulch - its gross but he thinks its funny and he's learning about his environment. eek!
                            ****************************************************

i have to tell you about these amazing oatmeal raisin cookies......oh man are they wonderful.  i made them last night in my pre-reid-is-leaving-so-i-can't-sit-still-or-i'll-think-too-much-and-get-sad frenzy.  somehow after dinner i managed to make cookies, make a lasagna and work on taxes with reid's help. we both fell into bed in a big heap. but it kept my mind off of his departure and definitely helped whittle away at my to-do lists which are so wonderfully short now. anyway, the cookies are great - you must make them asap. i made them with raisins but the blog link above makes them with craisins. either way, the perfect amount of thick and wholesome and chewy and soft and sweet and the raisins and oatmeal make it feel like you are nibbling away with out a nutritional care in the world. :)

our wonderful long weekend

thank you for the presidents and their day. we enjoyed a lovely 3 day weekend with daddy - and san diego weather was just perfect so we enjoyed a lot of time outside.

trips to the park (and stopping for breakfast burritos on the way, oh-so yummy!)

 

valentines day treats from grandparents

a trip to balboa park

 

  

daddy putting together his gear for training and trying on his "outfit" as aunt briana says

 enjoying the sunshine and going barefoot was a treat!  he hopped right in the basket unprompted and rode down there across the entire park!

hiking torrey pines and stopping at the beach on our way home

ooh, momma - that water is cold!

a grandparents video

click here to see a video (7 glorious minutes) of petey eating dinner. he was dipping his food in ketchup and using a fork on his own. its nothing fancy or fabulous, just showing you how well he is eating these days. because i know my grandma jan will ask, he is eating avocado, orange slices and a corndog. :)

remember when we were so excited about him eating slop off a spoon so many months ago? i love watching him conquer new things!

talking, painting......and good night

i am 900 percent sure this little guy just said "nigh-nigh" to me as i was laying him into his crib just now. what a sweet moment. he is communicating and mimicking so much now, its amazing to sit back and listen. we go for a walk and he barks when he hears dogs barking, caws at ravens in the trees when they caw as we pass and tonight out of nowhere started cooing after hearing a morning dove on a nearby roof.  he absolutely understands the concept of the sign for "more" and uses it to ask for things now, mostly food. "hi", "bye-bye" and waving are all interrelated concepts and he greets most people and dogs we see when we're out and about with a grin.

 

he definitely knows reid as "da-da" and points, grins and waves when i show him pictures of his daddy. we clicked through our wedding album on the computer today and petey was absolutely mesmerized and his face lit up each time he saw his daddy. there was also recognition of grandma and grandpa nannen after spending a week with them so maybe during our visit at the end of the month he'll learn to put a name with those smiling faces too!  i'm going to have to work on my own name since we spend all day, every day together.

we played with some crayola paint this afternoon. i was going for a specific kind of project and of course my sweet son taught me that this is all about the doing and not at all about the outcome.  we had a grand time and learned how to smear paint on the page and then played with some new oily crayon-markers i got him today. you don't have to press as hard as real crayon to make a mark because they are oilier so i thought it'd be easier for him to understand and he seemed to enjoy it. still wants to eat them but did get some doodling on the page.  little activities like this are a great boost to the mid-afternoon-what-do-we-do-now crisis.  i need to scour the earth to find more age-appropriate activities for my little man to explore.

 

thank you!

a big thank you to grandma and grandpa nannen for the week they spent with us, allowing me to go at a slower pace while recovering from my little surgery.  grandpa left on sunday and grandma is on her way home right now.  petey had a blast with all the extra attention and activity around the house....and the help was so very much appreciated!  looking forward to another round of fun with the grandparents when we are home in two weeks!

had a checkup with the dr. today who took off the cast and removed the stitches. i've got an agonizingly-still-more-restrictive-than-i-want splint on that i get to use 24-7 for at least 2 weeks and then as needed after that. i go back in 4 weeks for another check up to see how its doing. the tendon area they operated on feels stiff and weak as is to be expected from cutting surgery and immobilization but not necessarily painful, especially since its still immobilized (at least i can remove this splint for showering and at times when i am relaxing, etc -but still have to sleep in it). its probably a good thing to help me limit the use of it until the healing can complete but it is frustrating to be so slow and clumy at normal tasks and especially challenging when trying to parent a very active - and lately seemingly rebelious 14 month old.  he is certainly beginning to explore his independence, his limits and the bounds of my patience.  i'm wholly aware that this is a delicate dance that will continue to varying degrees until he moves out and begins his adult life someday - but boy is it challenging! i am going to try over the next week to introduce some new activities, age-appropriate crafting/projecting to stimulate him. i think he is bored in his times of naughtiness so i need to find new was to keep him happily occupied. i also need to once again reexamine my priorities so i can say "yes" to him a lot more instead of constantly saying "no"....here we go!

petey pics from the week

helping grandpa nannen measure shelves for the closet

 

  

talking to grandma nannen on the cell phone

 

  

cute as a bug

 

crazy-AJ-asian face (AJ used to make this face when he was a baby)-posing with grandpa nannen at the see's candy store

 

 

making himself at home for the superbowl

 

surgery report

to play catch up, click here to read about the condition i had in my left wrist tendons which required surgery to repair.

well the surgery tuesday went well....it was an interesting morning, howver.  every single nurse told me i was the first pregnant woman they'd ever prepped for surgery, no one believed that i was only having local injections of lidocain at the surgery site vice general anesthesia and therefore decided to treat me as if i had been doped up with general anesthesia (which meant no one wanted to give the very thirsty/preggo anything to eat or drink during recovery for fear i'd become nauseated).  they also required i have aprecautionary i.v. "just-in-case" which i was not pleased about.  my orthopedic surgeon, dr. winternitz was awesome, the surgery team was great and very sweet to me during the entire procedure which sadly they refused to let me watch and the requisite anesthesiologist present for the whole thing who had no job to do teased me about being a high maintenace patient because i was pregnant.  i didn't mind the teasing, its hard to have your feelings hurt by a sweet old guy with a south african accent and a twinkle in his eye.

recovery is ok, just frustrating and uncomfortable but a mondo-ice-pack and the help of my hubby (who sweetly opens everything with lids and child locks for me helps me dress and bath and sweetly teases me all the while) and my in-laws make it all ok.  sleeping in the recliner isn't my first choice but seems to be my only option until my wrist is feeling better. until i can type 2-handed again i probably won't post much...splint/cast and stitches out next wednesday...